Keeping Busy...

Mother's day has finally passed and I had a little bit of an emotional weekend.  Claire and Chad made it wonderful by waking me up with presents and working on things around the house that have been on my "honey do" list FOREVER.   I cried, laughed and then cried some more.  Being a mom is the greatest thing I have ever done but this Mother's day was bittersweet.  I loved on Claire all day and prayed to Christian every chance I got.  That morning I let out all my emotions the best way I know how…I went for a long run.  I stopped down by our boat and sat on the dock.  Looking out over the water I probably raised the lake level with my tears.  It's still hard to believe.  Hard to believe I lost my baby and that his ashes are out on the lake.  Hard to believe that I got through something like this.  Hard to believe that I'm actually doing okay.  My family has been so wonderful and without them I'd probably still be in that dark place I was after this happened.  I have a handful of friends that have been SO supportive and reach out to me on a weekly basis…just to check in.  I love you all.  I know that I have friends that haven't reached out because maybe they don't know what to say and that's okay too.  I understand.  We were in Raleigh over Easter Weekend with Chad's family and when we got home I noticed that there was a new tree in our yard and a beautiful bird bath.  Our families pitched in and bought this beautiful dogwood tree to memorialize Christian.  I am truly blessed to have the family I do.  Tomorrow we leave for Disney.  Chad is on his way home now and Claire is already asleep.  Although I can't understand how she can go to sleep so easily knowing we are about to meet her idol tomorrow….Cinderella.  Can we just say obsessed?  This vacation is much needed.  I'm trying hard not to be sad about going.  See, we were going to plan a Disney trip in September and in my head I had saw us doing this with two children.  So again it's just another reminder of what I lost.  However, I am going to be strong and do my best to appreciate being there with Claire and Chad.  I might not be able to sleep tonight I'm so excited.  When we get back next week we are having a 3rd birthday party for Claire.  A Fairy Party.  I will post pictures because all I have been doing lately is making things for the party.  It's a way for me to stay busy so I don't think too much.  My due date is June 7th so that will be another hard week, but I'll get through it.  I've survived so far.  <3