Tomorrow we meet. The road leading up to your birth has been a long and bumpy ride. I am calling you my rainbow baby because you are bringing beauty back to our lives after a terrible storm. One day you and your big sister Claire will learn about your brother Christian and how he watches over all of us from Heaven. Your daddy, Claire and I spent the anniversary of Christian's passing together snuggled up on the couch. We laughed, we cried, we remembered. This journey with you has been quite a roller coaster of emotions and I have held my breath for almost 38 weeks. What a beautiful day tomorrow will be, your birthday. There is no question that you will be intensely loved. We can thank your big brother Christian for showing us just how precious life is and how we should never take any second we have to spend together for granted. Claire and I have been planning all sorts of fun things to do with you. She has been waiting for you for what seems like an eternity in a 3 year old's world. She is going to be a wonderful big sister. Claire is such a loving and caring soul and I know she will protect you always. Everyone is looking forward to meeting you. You and Claire will also be getting a new cousin, who will make his or her entrance into the world in the next week or so. I know you two will be great friends. You have the best daddy who has helped your mommy get through 14 months of pregnancy and probably the worst heartache she has ever felt. He is strong, caring, and loves us all very much…he can't wait to meet you. My wish for you is that I can teach you how important it is to be kind and loving to those around you and to have an appreciation for how beautiful life can be even when there are times of despair. I hope that you will read this blog one day and know that in a sense you have saved our lives. We will always be sad for your brother and we will always miss him, but I know God is redeeming our loss of Christian through you. We love you.
It makes me extrememly nervous to even call our baby a rainbow baby when he/she hasn't been born yet. But we are trying to put our faith in God. I also still struggle with being totally open and vulnerable on here and sharing my heart. This blog is a love letter to my family and children, so I want to document all that I can.
I also feel that if no one ever blogged about infertility or infant loss and their struggles, I wouldn't be where I am today. I'm grateful to those who opened up and shared their story with me and made me feel less alone this past year, so that is why I have done the same.
