I just came out of Lowes after buying some beautiful flowers and soil to plant in all my planters that have been waiting anxiously to be admired again. With this beautiful weather I can't help but want to be outside and stay busy. It helps keep the emotions at bay. I am sitting in my car writing this post because I just had another encounter with a stranger that knows nothing of my situation. Let me rewind quick. Claire and I were in Lowes a couple of weeks ago and I donated money to support children with muscular dystrophy. I let Claire sign her name, which she can spell out loud perfectly, but writing it on paper it's toddler scribble. As we just checked out today Claire looked up and asked to write her name again. I explained to the clerk that she wants to sign another shamrock. We laughed at how cute she was and then the clerk said, "Your mommy is a lucky lady that your so perfect and she doesn't have to deal with a sick child like those children." I immediately felt defensive but understood what she meant. Of course I am so appreciative of Claire and how smooth my pregnancy had been with her and how the biggest thing we had to deal with has been strep throat a year ago. So I am a lucky mommy in that aspect. But I also wanted to let her know that I was on the other side. Even it was for a short time. My child wasn't healthy. I wanted to tell her, my child died and I DO appreciate my daughter now more than I ever did. I left with tears in my eyes and had to vent to someone. I figured where else better to vent than my blog. Sometimes I feel silly writing and posting on here but I have so many wonderful people say thank you for writing what I've been writing. Because of this blog I have connected with a few different people, two being complete strangers,who have gone through similar situations. I feel blessed to have so much support. We have our support group tomorrow night an I am looking forward to it. Last week I felt good during our meeting. I hadn't cried the whole session until the very end, someone had mentioned Mother's Day. What? I hadn't even thought of dealing with that day. I am constantly thinking of how I will deal with my due date in June, the day in September when I took the pregnancy test, the year anniversary of Christian's death, but not Mother's Day! I lost it at the end of the meeting and cried in Chad's arms in the parking lot. Chad had mentioned maybe taking a trip out to Napa around Christian's due date. That could be a good distraction. We will see what the future holds. But it just seems like every time I turn around there is another "test" dealt to me. It's up to me if I sit, cry and dwell on it or power through it, reminding myself that I am a changed person for the better because of Christian.